LEASH:  A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

LOVE:  Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you’re lucky, a human will love you in return. If not, you can always sniff their crotches.

GOOSE BUMPS:  A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn’t get the attention you require… especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above (Part #2).

GARBAGE CAN:  A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to…

DROOL:  Is what you do when your persons have food and you don’t. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

DOG BED:  Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

BICYCLES:  Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you…

BUMP:  The best way to get your human’s attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

BATH:  This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.